A year ago, I was at home, anticipating and closely monitored myself for the slightest signs of labor..
And I wondered, if I would ever be able to carry the role of a mother and to raise a tiny infant..
I was excited, and yet I was nervous, even a tinge of fear too!
And on that fateful day, 9th June 2012, after 2 hours of labor pain, you finally came into our lives..
And your daddy and I, officially stepped into our roles as parents, that very day too. 🙂
It has been a beautiful year together, having you in our little family.
It had been a breath-taking and emotional experience for me.
I have been (and still is) breastfeeding you from the day we brought you home..
We did not get onto a good start during the early days of breastfeeding, but thanks to mummy’s stubborness, with supportive words and encouragement from your daddy.. we sailed through those tough days beautifully. 🙂
Although you have been on mixed-feed from day 1, especially when am away for work, mummy made sure you only have mummy’s milk when you are with me.
I have not been a perfect mother.
I have my share of ‘not-so-fantastic’ motherhood moments.
- I got so exhausted and angry for having to nurse you repeatedly at almost every hour during the first 2 months, and you just would not sleep more than 30 minutes after each session.
- I snapped on the days when I was running horribly low on sleep and having to dragged myself to work the next morning.
- I get angry, cranky (and even jealous) at daddy when he is sound asleep while am up in the wee hours of the morning pacifying you.
- I hated the idea of going to work and leaving you behind every single day.
- I find myself worrying about the boobs if am stuck in a meeting or work longer than 4 hours.
- I threw tantrums when my poor back ached so horribly and you just would not fall back to sleep in the wee hours of the night.
- I cried on the days when I feel like a failure, unable to pacify you when you were crying uncontrollably, or when you prefer your others than mummy..
- I would be miserable and be ridden with guilt whenever I lose my temper on you.
- I felt even guilty(ier) whenever I find myself missing my old life (pre-baby days) when I could just go for a facial, a manicure/pedicure session, a random movie outing, or just a quiet read in the room.
But then again, I also have my share of feel-good moments.
- During our quiet nursing period, there would be a continuous eye-to-eye contact that would just warm my soul and send butterflies to my stomach..complete with that cheeky grin that sends me to the moon. 🙂
- When you giggled and laughed at me making faces.
- When you coo-ed in response the very 1st time.. 🙂
- When you started walking around, while holding onto the couch.
- When you rolled over and started crawling all over the place.
- When you stood up momentarily – I could feel tears welling in my eyes!
- Seeing how you slept soundly in your daddy’s arms, my heart skipped a beat. 🙂
- Me falling in love with my husband, all over again. Him being supportive and taking over the chores while I tend to baby.
All those little milestones and parenthood moments, made me realised, just how quickly time is passing by and that you are growing up at lightning speed right before our very eyes.
And suddenly, all those anger and frustration seemed so petty and trivial.
And that your well-being meant more than anything in the world to me.
I may not have had a facial done in 2 years.
I have not had my hairstyle changed in years and my last hair cut was 4 months (i think) ago.
My sense of dressing has gone down in the dumps, and nothing seems to fit well.
I am flabby all over and I can’t seem to lose the remaining stubborn pregnancy fat!
I may not have read (or finished) a book in a single session.
But you will not remain a baby forever.
You are already approaching toddlerhood and testing your independence by attempting baby steps unassisted.
Someday you will grow up and spread your wings elsewhere, and I would yearn for the days where I can hug you close..
And I want to cherish whatever time and moment I have with you, right now, for as long as I could.
To remember that soft baby scent of yours, to snuggle into your chubby cheeks, and to run my fingers into your fine, brown baby hair..
To enjoy the sloppy baby kisses from you, and our foreheads coming into close contact, whenever I request for you to ‘sayang’ (love) mummy. 🙂
And on your 1st birthday, my dear son,
I wish for the very best things in life for you.
I wish that you would grow up to be a healthy, respectable, compassionate and a kind young man.
Do not forget your family and your roots, wherever and whenever you are.
Do not forget to count your blessings.
Do not forget to love, whole-heartedly and sincerely.
Always remember, that you have our support (and love) at all times.
Happy 1st birthday, darling!
Mummy & Daddy.