To our 1 year old son.. :)

Dear Chen,

A year ago, I was at home, anticipating and closely monitored myself for the slightest signs of labor..

And I wondered, if I would ever be able to carry the role of a mother and to raise a tiny infant..

I was excited, and yet I was nervous, even a tinge of fear too!

And on that fateful day, 9th June 2012, after 2 hours of labor pain, you finally came into our lives..

And your daddy and I, officially stepped into our roles as parents, that very day too.🙂

It has been a beautiful year together, having you in our little family.

It had been a breath-taking and emotional experience for me.

I have been (and still is) breastfeeding you from the day we brought you home..

We did not get onto a good start during the early days of breastfeeding, but thanks to mummy’s stubborness, with supportive words and encouragement from your daddy.. we sailed through those tough days beautifully.🙂

Although you have been on mixed-feed from day 1, especially when am away for work, mummy made sure you only have mummy’s milk when you are with me.

I have not been a perfect mother.

I have my share of ‘not-so-fantastic’ motherhood moments.

  • I got so exhausted and angry for having to nurse you repeatedly at almost every hour during the first 2 months, and you just would not sleep more than 30 minutes after each session.
  • I snapped on the days when I was running horribly low on sleep and having to dragged myself to work the next morning.
  • I get angry, cranky (and even jealous) at daddy when he is sound asleep while am up in the wee hours of the morning pacifying you.
  • I hated the idea of going to work and leaving you behind every single day.
  • I find myself worrying about the boobs if am stuck in a meeting or work longer than 4 hours.
  • I threw tantrums when my poor back ached so horribly and you just would not fall back to sleep in the wee hours of the night.
  • I cried on the days when I feel like a failure, unable to pacify you when you were crying uncontrollably, or when you prefer your others than mummy..
  • I would be miserable and be ridden with guilt whenever I lose my temper on you.
  • I felt even guilty(ier) whenever I find myself missing my old life (pre-baby days) when I could just go for a facial, a manicure/pedicure session, a random movie outing, or just a quiet read in the room.

But then again, I also have my share of feel-good moments.

  • During our quiet nursing period, there would be a continuous eye-to-eye contact that would just warm my soul and send butterflies to my stomach..complete with that cheeky grin that sends me to the moon.🙂
  • When you giggled and laughed at me making faces.
  • When you coo-ed in response the very 1st time..🙂
  • When you started walking around, while holding onto the couch.
  • When you rolled over and started crawling all over the place.
  • When you stood up momentarily – I could feel tears welling in my eyes!
  • Seeing how you slept soundly in your daddy’s arms, my heart skipped a beat.🙂
  • Me falling in love with my husband, all over again. Him being supportive and taking over the chores while I tend to baby.

All those little milestones and parenthood moments, made me realised, just how quickly time is passing by and that you are growing up at lightning speed right before our very eyes.

And suddenly, all those anger and frustration seemed so petty and trivial.
And that your well-being meant more than anything in the world to me.

I may not have had a facial done in 2 years.

I have not had my hairstyle changed in years and my last hair cut was 4 months (i think) ago.

My sense of dressing has gone down in the dumps, and nothing seems to fit well.

I am flabby all over and I can’t seem to lose the remaining stubborn pregnancy fat!

I may not have read (or finished) a book in a single session.

But you will not remain a baby forever.

You are already approaching toddlerhood and testing your independence by attempting baby steps unassisted.
Someday you will grow up and spread your wings elsewhere, and I would yearn for the days where I can hug you close..
And I want to cherish whatever time and moment I have with you, right now, for as long as I could.
To remember that soft baby scent of yours, to snuggle into your chubby cheeks, and to run my fingers into your fine, brown baby hair..
To enjoy the sloppy baby kisses from you, and our foreheads coming into close contact, whenever I request for you to ‘sayang’ (love) mummy.🙂

us

mother and son photo🙂

And on your 1st birthday, my dear son,
I wish for the very best things in life for you.
I wish that you would grow up to be a healthy, respectable, compassionate and a kind young man.
Do not forget your family and your roots, wherever and whenever you are.
Do not forget to count your blessings.
Do not forget to love, whole-heartedly and sincerely.
Always remember, that you have our support (and love) at all times.

Happy 1st birthday, darling!

Love,
Mummy & Daddy.

cake

The Captain America cake was your daddy’s idea – as he was the 1st Avenger in the team of superheros!

birthday

family picture🙂

your birthday presents! - Babolat racquet from daddy, clothes from grandparents, shoes from auntie CY and bike from your ah pek.

your birthday presents! – Babolat racquet from daddy, clothes from grandparents, shoes from auntie CY and bike from your ah pek.

enjoying his 1st ride on the bike. :)

enjoying his 1st ride on the bike.🙂

11 months old today~

Dear little fella,

Can I put you on ‘pause’ little one?

You’re growing up sooooooooooo fast!

You’ve grown taller – last measurement at 10 months 3 weeks old, you were 76cm, weighing at approximately 11kg. (you’re outgrowing your baby-cot anytime now🙂 )

You’re standing un-supported nowadays.

Not satisfied just standing still, you attempt to dance, shaking your little bum-bum while you’re at it! *uber cuteness!*

You are talking ALOT, in baby-lingo that is.🙂

You are crawling, walking while holding onto the couch/table/chair/walker/nearby adult legs at super-speed!

You have reached a new milestone – getting off the bed/couch, LEG – FIRST!

I was not aware at first. Panicking the moment you start crawling (so quickly!) towards the edge of the bed and my heart stopped for a moment.

And then you did it.

You stopped at the edge.

Looked downwards.

Waved one hand to ‘feel’ for a surface to land on.

And then you reversed, with your bum-bum facing the edge instead, placed a leg over the edge and tried to feel for a surface to plant your foot on.

Once that foot is firmly settled on the ground, you proceeded to move the other leg and there, off the bed you go!

I AM A PROUD MAMA!

Funny how motherhood makes one celebrate all the small little details that we take for granted daily.🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My motto in life, ‘Everything happens for a reason’

I have had quite a painful period in the office.

It is not a recent problem. In fact, it’s been going on for the past 2 years? (taking into account the time when I informed my boss that I was pregnant)

I have been deprived of opportunities and at the same time, reasons that I received were:

‘You are currently pregnant so we will transition some tasks out for support reasons during maternity leave’ (a year ago~)

‘You just got back from your long leave, so we’ll let you ‘warm up’ to kick start things around by clearing some other colleague’s shit work.’ (WTF?)

‘Being a new mum and your kid needs you so I assume you will not be able to travel overseas for business purpose’ (can’t I be a local support contact person???)

‘Being a new mum means you can’t stay late for work/meetings’  (there’s always a con-call option from home right?)

‘Because you need to care for your kid at night, you might not have time for late night meetings’ (DUH – con-call?)

‘I noticed the lack of enthusiasm and energy ever since you returned from your maternity break’ (yeaaaaaaa, try looking revived and hopping like a bunny if you had only slept a total of 3-4 hours/night ever since you’ve delivered a baby ?!?! unless you want me to die from Caffeine-OD!)

‘Being a nursing mum, you have to go pump often right? So you are not around alot for the ongoing meetings/discussion’ (I can always re-arrange/re-schedule my pumping timing!)

Notice how all the excuses are related to maternity, being mum?

They did not mention the nursing mother, being a mother part, but the excuses were the feedback I received – are they not implying the same thing?

I noticed the lukewarm supported provided to a working mother in the workforce. This does not impact my co-worker who is a weekend mum. She has the liberty to dump the responsibility to the nanny on weekdays, and could go full-fledge at work, traveling for months, working till wee hours of the night, etc.

I do not judge weekend mums.

But can’t they be more supportive to a working mum in the day and hands-on mum at night? 

I was upset when all those reasons hit me.

I cried. Hard.

I actually blamed myself for wanting to be a good mum and a good engineer at work.

I started to doubt my capabilities for trying to be both.

My confidence began to waver. My self-esteem and worthiness was down in the sewer.

I told Tatt about it and we talked about it. I cried even more. He did not stop me from crying.

When I was done, he asked me,

‘What are you looking for in a job?’

I told him, ‘I wanted a job that would love me. That would appreciate me. That would give me opportunities.’

‘Can you juggle the role of being a mother while you are at work?’ he asked.

‘Yes. Am doing it right now already, it’s just that I did not get the opportunities that I wanted eventhough I asked for it. People questioned my self-worth and commitment’

‘Good, then let’s start searching for a new job for you!

And he did – he would sent me mails on different opportunities on a daily basis.

I was logging in to the job-hunt sites on a daily basis going through the positions that he sent over.

Though I couldn’t find anything that clicked, I felt overwhelmed and touched by his support to me.

Isn’t my hubby, a darling?🙂

One day, a call came from a headhunter. She found my profile rather active on the job-seeking site. She offered me this position and asked if am interested.

I liked what I heard and the rest is history.

In fact, I told them that I a new mother, and they’re ok with it. There was no discrimination held against me.🙂

Am currently waiting for the offer letter before I tender in my resignation.

I felt at peace with myself.

It will be a new role. More challenging that what am doing. But I would not know my limits if I do not challenge myself right?

It will definitely be more productive than sitting idle in the office, stuck with clearing people’s rubbish and feeling envious and bitter.

There *might* be traveling involved, but Tatt said, “I can handle baby at home if there is a need for you to be away. Don’t let this matter hold you back from going towards your fullest potential”

I find myself falling in love with him even more.. 🙂

Now is the time for me to look forward to what the future has to offer.

Life is good.🙂

10 months old and counting~

My dear boy,

You turned 10 months old today.
Look at you!

113_13th Apr 13 _10months old

You are crawling all over the place now.
You are attempting to stand on your own unsupported nowadays.
You are clinging on to anything for support to walk around, the sofa, any walking adults.
You enjoy nibbling on biscuits and snacks, and eat lumpier food now.
You realised that you have a ‘voice’ hence you enjoy screaming and ‘singing’?

You are such a cheeky fellow.
You know that it is painful to mummy whenever you were to bite while am nursing you.
I would tickle you silly whenever you do, and you would have laughing fits.
And you would remember.
Nowadays, whenever you were ‘considering’ on biting & PULLING on mummy’s (.), you would hold the (.) in your mouth, looking and then smiling at me with a twinkle in the eyes – and I would ‘threaten’ to tickle you.
Sometimes you would be good, and just resumed to nursing as usual.
But sometimes, you would just go for the bite (!) and we would have a tickling/giggling session instead..🙂

We came across this poem on Facebook recently.

A new baby,
makes the days shorter,
nights longer,
savings smaller,
but a home, happier

How true!🙂
Daddy and mummy love you dearly, our dearest boy..
You are growing up sooo fast!

Regards,
Mummy🙂

9 months old update!

My boy is finally showing signs of ‘wanting’ to crawl, by being on all fours aka push-ups? just rocking back and forth but no attempt to crawl forward.🙂

Camera could not capture the moment quick enough. *darn*

Put him on the mat, sitting upright.
He would fall backwards, flat on the ground. Roll to the side, push himself to sit upright!

He can stand for a few seconds on his own too!

Me is a proud mummy indeed!🙂

His favorite words of late, apart from mam-mam (milk/food), da-di (daddy).. no, still no mummy😦
its nen-nen-nen-nen.. (suspect its food-related too) and ta-ta-ta..

It’s funny how parenthood makes one all excited over these little simple actions – crawling, walking, waving, high-fives, baby talk..

Off topic a little ~ we were going through our wedding video a couple of days back.

Our wedding was just 2 years plus ago, but the memories were still so fresh in our minds, and we could just replay the moments, the atmosphere, the laughter, the love, the people, our family and friends who came over from all over the globe to celebrate our special day together..

It was funny, that much has changed over the years.
How much we have grown, physically and emotionally.
Tatt is looking very much a daddy today compared to our courtship days, looking all youthful, carefree, a college-boy persona in the photos.
We were like, “WOW, we looked pretty good then huh?”
And, “WHAT HAPPENED TO US WEH?!

I saw the happiness in my parents’ eyes.
I saw how happy my daddy was in the videos.
I realised that I still miss my daddy dearly.
I wished that he could have met his 1st grandson. Because I know he would love the role of a grandfather. Because he was such an awesome daddy.
It’s been 2 years and it is still painful when I think about him..

Whenever my boy were to be cranky and clingy, I would just step back and thought about the times when I was kid, throwing tantrum & giving my folks a hard time, and how my parents would find ways to pacify me, and this unexplained amount of patience would come and help me through.🙂

I guess it’s true. Being a parent yourself, makes you appreciate your own parents alot more. Especially if your’s a big family, like mine, with 3 other siblings.🙂

8months, 3 weeks and counting~

My dear boy,

I find myself looking forward to weekends. To spend some quality family time together, just mummy, daddy and you.

Eventhough am exhausted after an extremely ‘nerve-wrecking, brain-draining, heart-aching’ week at work. (no point dwelling on the details, let’s just say politics at work SUCKS BIG TIME!!!

But then again, when is it not sucky?

I find myself longingly daydreaming to being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mum). I need not worry about what you would be eating, I can nurse you on demand and can dump that can of formula milk into the thrash, I can just lay in bed with you gurgling and giggling to the funny faces I make to you. We can watch tv, read books, go through flash cards (and you having a ball biting and sucking on it), and just about anything under the sun..

But the reality is that, it is not the time for me to do so. Financial commitments forces me to stay put where I am in order for daddy and myself to put food on the table, and even to pay for your diapers too!

I find myself feeling more bitter, angry and negative for every day I spend being in the office. I do not remember feeling so when I was home for the past 10days with you during the long break.

Instead, I remembered feeling excited, blissful and contented.

I remembered being able to hold you in my arms, nuzzling into your chubby cheeks, breathing in your baby scent.

I remembered pretending to sneeze (multiple times!) because it makes you giggle so loud and hard that it makes me laugh as well.

I remembered rubbing my chin against your jawbone and you would giggle so loud in return!

I remembered the appreciative look on your face whenever I feed you with yummies that I have freshly whipped out from the kitchen for you.

Gah! Why am I still stuck in the office! $%&!@#

Anyways, just to update what I observed lately:

  • You  enjoy standing up nowadays, supported still. :) 
  • You are making attempts to crawl, backwards! No matter how hard I tempt you to go forward.
  • You do not like being in the walker. You were wailing and crying (albeit a tearless one) while making baby steps to our direction, wanting to be carried and removed from the walker.. (everyone pursuaded your daddy and I to let you have a go in the walker eventhough we strongly disagree to it *sigh*) But you are getting the idea of moving about, exploring in it.
  • Your new word, ‘Neh, neh, neh, neh!’ and still not MUMMY!😦
  • You enjoy having lumpier food nowadays, so its soft rice more and less porridge and gooey puree.🙂
  • You are showing signs of separation anxiety already. Unhappy when you notice daddy and mummy getting ready for work.🙂
110a_24thFeb13

i love seeing him in blue~🙂

Wordless Wednesday~

yummy!

yummy!

mother and son photo~

Hello February~

Time flew by so quickly!

It’s been pretty hectic of late on the career side – no complaints about it (for now)

Little boy’s turning 8 months old next weekend!

Sometimes I feel that he is growing alot faster nowadays. Can I just ‘pause’ the moment to keep up with his pace?

His little milestones & achievements🙂

  • Chen’s weight is approximately 11kg at 7 months and 3 weeks old.
  • He is sitting alot more steadily nowadays.
  • Loves to eat anything and everything, especially whatever that I have in my plate/hand.
  • Able to finish an entire apple/pear (all pureed of course)
  • Started him on porridge with potatoes/carrots/fish/chicken stock. And he loves it all!🙂
  • Loves to giggle outloud. And loves to be entertained.🙂
  • Longs to be carried (opening his arms wide!) and able to show preference to the specific people that he wants – to carry him!
  • Attempts to stand while holding onto the couch/anything he can hold on to for support (and managed to stand momentarily for a quick few seconds!)
  • Rolls around often too. Does not want to crawl, rather rotate around like a compass needle instead. He would push himself backwards occasionally.
  • Loves bright colors on books, magazines, flashcards. And terrorizes them.
  • Loves playing with the iPad and surprised everyone by being able to flick his fingers so effortlessly on the screen. (he could minimise the screen of one app to open another and even turned on the music once!) And did I tell you, he managed to do that even with his toes when we took the iPad away.
  • Super active and makes it a challenge for me to nurse him in public where he would just keep ‘exposing’ me while I covered him under the scarf to nurse.
  • Must have a bonding session with the daddy prior to bedtime.
  • Sleeps from 1030 – 11pm till about 700 – 730am. *YAY!*
  • LOVES looking into the mirror or any reflective surface – vanity runs in the family..
  • No sign of any teeth yet. Hence, still with his big toothless grin welcoming us home daily.🙂

Being a mum, I find myself looking forward and celebrating poopy diapers, baby showing appreciation to the new baby recipes I’ve prepared, him trying to reach and grab hold of the baby puffs and attempting to put it into his mouth, and the list goes on.

taken on 14th Dec 12 - at 7months and 5 days old. :)

taken on 14th Dec 12 – at 7months and 5 days old.🙂

Chinese New Year’s approaching in a week’s time. It would be Chen’s first celebration.🙂 And both sides of the grandmothers have bought so much of new clothings for him to parade during the celebration.🙂

Hopefully I’ll be able to find time to update and upload photos during that time.🙂